Journaling magic

We are all used to operating in the conscious realm…even when we feel semi-conscious, like before that first cup of coffee, or when we are on overload because of a particularly difficult day, we still operate in the conscious realm…we ask and answer questions that are related to the world around us, we deal with issues that present themselves, we talk to the people in our path.  And as a general rule, most of us are fairly convinced that whatever answers we need to life’s changing situations will be found, if we just slow down and think it thru.

In the Artist’s Way, one of my all time favorite books, Julia Cameron requires that the artist/writer/reader do “morning pages”.  Each morning she asks that you write 3 pages.  Three pages of whatever you want to write. It can be the same word over and over (write, write, write, write, write…), it can be a string of unrelated thoughts (my cat doesn’t like her dry food, lots of TV channels have only music, hope it doesn’t snow, why is there dog hair in my cereal?…), it can be your grocery list, or your daily to-do list, it can be the next chapter of your upcoming novel.  She says the important thing is not content, but the act of writing. The writing unhinges something beneath your conscious thought that allows creativity to come to the surface.

Just the other morning,  I was wrestling with a difficult issue, had been wrestling with this issue…for months.  Could not seem to come up with the answer that filled the void in my soul, yet i knew that the status quo was not going to work.  I had been thinking it thru, making lists, doing all sorts of cognitive things seeking an answer. That morning I had woken up outrageously early, too early, and knowing i couldn’t go back to sleep – i’m like that, once i wake up in the night, no matter the time, i’m up- i decided to journal.

At first, the words were dull, and forced…and they had no connection to what was realistic, only what seemed important at 3am…whether cornflakes were a good option for breakfast, if it would be warm out today, my t0-do list for work…Of course, it wasn’t long before my wrestling partner surfaced in my journal.  I ranted, and I raved…i cussed and I speculated…i bemoaned and I belittled…and about 3 pages in, like the gold of a sunrise that wasn’t there, and then it was…so glaringly obvious, i almost cried.

my answer had surfaced…

Hear me roar!

One of a grouch’s greatest joys is rackety, clattering, jangly noise! ~ Oscar the Grouch

So over a month ago, Journi and I had a collision and i spilled coffee on the edge of my laptop.  It was only a tiny bit, hardly any at all…but within an hour my “a” and my “s” were gone…and then my “q”…and my “z”…oh, and let’s not forget about my “1”, and my shift key on the left, my tab key and my caps lock…my escape key… and the little cute “~” mark .

One has no idea how many words you use the “a” and the “s” for…i got along pretty well without the “q” and the “z”, but a couple of my passwords have those letters.  So I bought an external keyboard for $10…it got me by, but I HATED it.  The external keyboard is rattly, clattering, rackety and just plain clumsy…and it took the ease out of writing and made it feel external.  My mind spoke more quickly than that keyboard could clatter out the words.  It was like going thru an interpreter.  I couldn’t afford the $200 it was going to cost to take it in to be fixed.

And so i quit writing.

A coworker suggested that I could save money if I bought a keyboard online and replaced it myself.  This idea terrified me. Its a laptop, for goodness sake! What if I get it apart and i can’t get it all back in there again!?  But I was desperate to have my mac back in working order, so I ordered one.

When the keyboard arrived, i looked it with suspicion. However, after watching numerous youtube videos (of a very nice lady from Smalldog Electronics)…assembling my tools and setting aside some time, I was ready.  You could almost hear the Dragnet-type music in the background when I began.  With the youtube video playing on the iPad, the nice lady and I worked thru the whole process- removing all the screws (all 17 of the external ones), releasing the clips, disconnecting the logic board cable, the backlight cable, the trackpad cable, the 10 internal screws, removing the keyboard, reconnecting everything and putting together everything again.

When i was finished, i just stared at it…afraid to see if it worked.

it does.