Lovin’ Amy

Journi received a pink teddy bear among her shower gifts before she was born.  Thru the course of the past year, the bear became a favorite along with a stuffed ape that was named April and it seemed only fitting to name the bear Amy.  Amy has gone everywhere with Journi, on trips and to the sitter, outside to play and down for naptime.  She has been washed countless times and is close to being potty trained these days.  As Journi has entered an age when she is pretending, Amy is her companion.  She practices dressing Amy, reading to Amy and giving Amy snacks.

Today when I came home, Journi was toting our momma kitty around, much to the irritation of the cat who finally wrestled her way free.  Journi thought this was hilarious and went looking for the cat again.  After some time, she came back with Amy in her arms.  She told me in her toddler voice that “Amy not momma kitty…Amy is just Amy.” At this she wrapped her arms around Amy, buried her nose in Amy’s neck with a sigh and rocked her back and forth.

“amy is just amy”… i would do well to remember this, that when i am feeling less than, because i think i am not open enough, or too emotional, not creative enough or too fat, not tech savvy enough or too messy of a housekeeper… that Pat is just Pat, and it is enough…

that there is unconditional love in the world, and you are enough…you are you, and that’s enough.

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back away…just back away from the weapon, ma’am…

On Friday, I went to work for the morning.  I am not really “off” in the summer- I have to put in a certain number of days during the summer.  The days can usually be when I want, unless there is a specific event that I need to be present for.  So anyway, I went in to work for the morning. I was working on scheduling students for fall classes.

Understand that I am an artist; I do not think in straight lines, or in a linear fashion at all.  My thoughts are sort of like a screen saver, a flash over here that randomly disappears, until another appears over there, and then another that overlaps, and then they both fade…well, you get the idea.  Thinking in straight lines makes my head hurt.  But I muster it up for a few tasks in my life, and master scheduling is one of them.  I was scheduling away doing fine, until I realized that there were 52 students scheduled into one section of Spanish 2, and that because of how the puzzle was together, I didn’t know what to do.  I tried several solutions, none of which worked.  I hit a wall.  I decided it was time for lunch.

When I walked into my house, from the dogfood I was stepping on, it appeared that Journi had decided to empty the dogfood dish all over the library.  Everyone was home, and no one seemed particularly concerned.  I looked around …my house was a disaster…dirty dishes on the counter, toys all over the livingroom, breakfast cereal boxes still on the table, and of course, add to this that there was dogfood on the floor…that there were dogfood crumbs stuck between my sweaty toes as I picked my way thru the kitchen. (oh yeah,  i forgot to mention it was in the 90s temperature wise too)

Is it fair to say that my day was spiraling?  I wanted to cry, to scream, to fight…

So I had a little time-out in my bedroom…took a breath, picked up the dogfood…can I mention that no one had even moved in the livingroom?

And I made up my mind to spend the afternoon doing what I wanted to do.  I Kool-Aid dyed some wool and some llama…gorgeous blue, purple and crimson.  I went to my studio and built some clay slab pieces that I have had in my mind for some time…they turned out beautiful.

The schedule nightmare is still there, and will be there when I walk in again next week…but I channeled my frustration and anger into creative energy, was able to overlook the mess in my house until I was ready to deal with it, and the bonus is I was able to get thru the day without killing or maiming anyone…so a win-win, right?

“i knew you would want this…”

I spun for 2 hours yesterday…no music on, no TV, no distraction…just the whirring of the wheel…it was a precious time- felt like it was one of those fluffy dandelions that is captured in the glass paperweight… safe, soundless and insulated.

last fall when i returned to school for the year, my dear friend Karen came to me with a garbage bag in her arms.  She presented it to me and said, “I knew you would want this.”  Turns out she had sheared her llama, Bella, and apparently at some point in time, I had told her that if she ever did clip Bella that I would love the fleece.  I had no recollection of this, but that’s not unusual…i say things like that.  So here i was… with several pounds of unwashed unpicked llama fleece.  I ventured a look in the bag when I got home.  Yep.  That’s what it was.  I stashed it in the waterheater room.  Every so often I would glance at that trash bag and wonder about what i was going to do with it…and then would be distracted by something more urgent.  I had absolutely no idea what i was going to do with this fleece- I didn’t spin, i didn’t knit, i didn’t crochet…in fact, i didn’t know really anything about fleece, except for one failed attempt to make a drop spindle from a Mother Earth News article years ago…and so it sat…and i ignored it.

…until someone mentioned a spinning class in Hot Springs in March…and the rest is history 🙂

life has changed in the past year…my empty nest is full for a time…

so thankful for this quiet tactile colorful art, that allows me to be creative during this time in my life…and so thankful for a friend who “knew you would want this”, even if i didn’t.

We love to say yes…

how to not create“Before you agree to do anything that might add even the smallest amount of stress to your life, ask yourself: What is my truest intention? Give yourself time to let a yes resound within you. When it’s right, I guarantee that your entire body will feel it.” -Oprah Winfrey

Are you spending a lot of your time saying ‘yes’ to other people?  I have found that artistic creative people are called on by others ALOT.  Their skills are in demand, their creative brains are valued…and we creators…we say

  • “well, sure, i don’t mind making that poster for you!”
  • “I would love to write an article for the newsletter”
  • “Sure, I can direct the after school play.”
  • “a new business plan? heck, i can knock that out tonight for you!”

We like helping others, we feel valued, and our skills are being showcased.  Nothing wrong with this until it begins to replace our creative pursuits, until it begins to steal the time we spend mulling over new ideas, or the precious time we write or paint or dance…

Saying “no” won’t kill you…and it won’t kill them…but saying “yes” too many times can injure the very creative spirit that has brought them to you.

What one thing are you doing right now, for the wrong reasons?

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