Let it be…

We have reached one of those milestones of life…you know, first steps, first day of school, first date… first signs of menopause………………excellent.  One of those things that you know is coming, that you are prepared for, that you even empathize with others about, while secretly being glad that you are not as OLD as they are.  Well, its here…and I am.

So I dived into reading about this period of life, researching how to cope with it herbally, within diet.  You know, what to eat more of, and what to avoid, to alleviate symptoms.  I am sort of an anti-medication person…well, not sort of- I am.

Of course, it was all the usual things- avoid sugar, alcohol, caffeine, along with any fast food etc.  This makes perfect sense.  The sugar isn’t hard to avoid, except for red licorice…which is a blog post all its own.  I am not a real drinker, so no real worries there.  I don’t eat meat, so except for a wild hair for McDonalds fries sometimes, I don’t eat fast food.

The caffeine…*sigh*  … I love coffee.  I know its not great for me…I have gone without at times but always go back.  I have endured the caffeine withdrawal headaches for 3 days until I could stand the mornings without caffeine.  I have tried to drink herbal tea in the mornings, which is a nice hot beverage, but really?  My sister makes the best coffee in the universe.  I make OK coffee, but for some reason, her coffee is heaven.  I can be doing fine, drinking my wimpy herbal tea in the morning, and then I visit her…all resolve slips away at the thought of a cup of her coffee.  Sitting on her porch steps drinking a cup of her coffee in the early morning mist…that is what perfect is made out of.

We have gotten off track… I decided that cutting down on my caffeine intake would be good- so i bought the “half caff” organic, water decanted coffee beans at the HyVee.  I felt pretty good about this.  I was being responsible about this caffeine addiction thing I have.  I was still enjoying a bit of caffeine, still drinking pretend coffee, feeling normal, yet I was doing a good thing…less caffeine.  >pats self on back, while nodding<

A jeep I was behind while drinking my espresso, and the planets aligned in the universe…sending me a message.

last week I ran out of my ‘half caff’ beans…and i didn’t have time to get to the HyVee…so as I rummaged thru my freezer on a harried morning last week, all I could find was Italian espresso beans…are you feeling it?… do you see the end of this story?  I know, I know…I hear you…you are saying, “why, Pat? why, if you are committed to your recovery, would you still have espresso beans in your freezer?”

And to that I would say, “let it be.  Some things are not meant to be messed with…”

Make each day.

When i meet a new person, i note variousities about them, but one thing i do notice rather quickly is whether they are a “maker”, a “meeter”, a “helper” or a “muller”… these are my own terms, and they are not all inclusive, but there are people whose mission seems to be meeting people, and those who are just born helpers.  Some are thinkers, and spend countless hours figuring things out, and of course there is us- the ‘makers’…we make things.  We bake, we sew, we knit, we fix, we create, we photograph, we build, we are makers.

This morning, i was considering the New Year, yes, trite, I know…a New Year post…but I was.  Its a new year, a new start…and i was thinking about what i need to do this year, to make it a more worthwhile, more satisfying year.  And the phrase “make every day” wandered thru my mind, and it resonated with me…in both forms of its meaning…to create something of value each day, but also to create the day- to unwrap it each morning, as a package of wealth, something to be treasured and used…not one of those gifts we get and re-gift to someone else because it is trivial to us- but to consider it, to turn it over and examine it and to decide how we will make use of it.  Whether its to make a list, or a trip, to meet a friend or walk a mile…don’t let a day pass without making it, that is my goal.

And for you my friends, for this coming year, I wish you breath…that you will find breath in your lungs to bless others, to sing, to race, to laugh, to dance, to learn, to enjoy, to be thankful, to make change, to spend time in the light…and to make.

Much love,

Pat

savoring time…

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures- Thornton Wilder

Ah, well, my coffee cup is empty, yet still warm…the woodstove is roaring and the house is quiet in this early morning. I have not written lately– too many things in the way.  Never a moment to sit down and collect my thoughts…and put them into some type of coherent order that is decipherable by another!

The thing that has captured me lately is the good times.  As you know, this ‘turning 50’ thing has really made me shift my thinking.  No longer do i see myself as immortal, or having unlimited time.  No longer do i use the phrase ‘someday’.  No longer do i put things off…well, some things i put off, but not important stuff :).  It may seem morbid, but it has made me live with much more intention.   i was looking back to earlier days in my life, when life seemed carefree …and somehow easier.  But at that moment in time, that carefree time, when my kids were small and i was juggling grad school plus a 2 hour commute each way and a full time job, i don’t remember thinking, “ah, these are the good times!”  The times were good, and i wonder if i realized that.  I think i was just trying to get thru the days, and counting credit hours until my masters was finished.

I want to recognize the best instants when they are happening.  I think some call this ‘living in the moment’.  I don’t want to mark time, or waste time, i want to savor it.  I want to breathe in each moment and recognize it for good, bad or ugly, but i don’t want to miss it in my preoccupation with tomorrow.

kicked out of the Farmer’s Market…

never been much of a hell raiser…tried to stay out of the way of trouble most of my life.  Apparently my track record has been tarnished.

remember my earlier post about the Farmer’s Market, how much i loved the atmosphere, the people, the low pressure to sell…just sitting in the sun, and enjoying the residents of Custer?

well, while i was visiting my sister, the Custer Farmer’s Market was ‘taken over’ by the city and moved to Way Park by the courthouse.  And new ordinances were drafted making it only open to ‘agricultural product’…and pottery is not agricultural..

So after setting up my table, putting out my product in our new location, unloading my car and unfolding my chair, I was asked to leave…and so I re-packed my pottery in boxes and baskets, folded up my table drapes, and with help of my friend Sarah and her daughter Megs, carted everything back to my car…feeling like the kid that didn’t get picked for a team on “I Send” cuz i can’t run fast enough… sad to leave my new friends, and the open air market atmosphere…no longer belonging…

sad today…

i am trying to find the lesson in this, trying to pull some inspiring message from the bottom of all of this…but i am just sad.

 

I hear that whistle blowin…

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As we have wandered thru little towns in Colorado, Wyoming and now Nebraska, I am missing home. Its time to go home.

The cliff dwellings were pretty cool. I loved the steady artisan style of the sleeping places, the places to grind corn, storage bins, and circular towers and kivas…beautiful thoughtful work, all for a purpose.

I shopped galleries, and little shops til I was exhausted. Brought home some treasure and some gifts.

And then we wandered north, towards home, staying away from the interstate, wanting to see little towns.

Last nite we stayed in Scottsbluff, in a tiny campground 5 miles out. It was cheap for a campsite, but after we got the tent up, and the bug candles lit, we discovered why.

breathing in the present

Going down the slide

Going down the slide

Sometimes I am so caught up in the future,

  • What about tomorrow?
  • how much money do i have left this month?
  • what if i lose my job?
  • maybe (fill in the blank) will happen and…

that i miss out on this moment…this one right now…i miss listening to Journi snore in the early morning, while I am still sitting in the dark, waiting to become verbal…i miss out on the fact that I might have just as well poured my coffee grounds right into the coffee pot this morning…i miss seeing the steam that seems to hang in the air  as the sun comes up.

Stop right now, stop reading right now for just a moment, and breathe in the present…what do you hear, see, smell, and feel?

Those future worries? for me, those are what anxiety is made of.  Being in the present moment, enjoying this very second can sustain me til the next second…

There is time enough to consider the future and its needs, in the light of day, when I am verbal and able to reason those things out and do the math.  For now, enjoying the present moment is enough.

timing…my dear, its all about timing…

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