Journaling magic

We are all used to operating in the conscious realm…even when we feel semi-conscious, like before that first cup of coffee, or when we are on overload because of a particularly difficult day, we still operate in the conscious realm…we ask and answer questions that are related to the world around us, we deal with issues that present themselves, we talk to the people in our path.  And as a general rule, most of us are fairly convinced that whatever answers we need to life’s changing situations will be found, if we just slow down and think it thru.

In the Artist’s Way, one of my all time favorite books, Julia Cameron requires that the artist/writer/reader do “morning pages”.  Each morning she asks that you write 3 pages.  Three pages of whatever you want to write. It can be the same word over and over (write, write, write, write, write…), it can be a string of unrelated thoughts (my cat doesn’t like her dry food, lots of TV channels have only music, hope it doesn’t snow, why is there dog hair in my cereal?…), it can be your grocery list, or your daily to-do list, it can be the next chapter of your upcoming novel.  She says the important thing is not content, but the act of writing. The writing unhinges something beneath your conscious thought that allows creativity to come to the surface.

Just the other morning,  I was wrestling with a difficult issue, had been wrestling with this issue…for months.  Could not seem to come up with the answer that filled the void in my soul, yet i knew that the status quo was not going to work.  I had been thinking it thru, making lists, doing all sorts of cognitive things seeking an answer. That morning I had woken up outrageously early, too early, and knowing i couldn’t go back to sleep – i’m like that, once i wake up in the night, no matter the time, i’m up- i decided to journal.

At first, the words were dull, and forced…and they had no connection to what was realistic, only what seemed important at 3am…whether cornflakes were a good option for breakfast, if it would be warm out today, my t0-do list for work…Of course, it wasn’t long before my wrestling partner surfaced in my journal.  I ranted, and I raved…i cussed and I speculated…i bemoaned and I belittled…and about 3 pages in, like the gold of a sunrise that wasn’t there, and then it was…so glaringly obvious, i almost cried.

my answer had surfaced…

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on the edge of knowing…

my grand daughter is talking…2 and 3 word sentences and it is miraculous to listen to her.  But sometimes she says a word that i don’t understand, and she says it over and over and over…sometimes jumping up and down to make her point…and i feel so dense when i don’t get it.  I feel like I should know what she is saying, i can almost make it out…i have heard this phrase before, i am sure…This morning it was “ego, ego, ego, ego…ego!! sek ego…sek, sek, sek…ego, ego…”  This is accompanied by looking at me with expectation and repeating herself…until the expectation becomes less, and she starts to decide i might never get it…

i feel like that creatively sometimes too,

that my creative voice is saying something in the corner of my mind – that i am on the edge of knowing what it is, but i can’t get it…if i can just listen a little harder to what my creative voice is saying, it will unlock a beautiful project, piece of work, or maybe a whole new way of viewing what i do…and it is there over and over…and i don’t know what it means.

with Journi, if I can have the foresight to ask her to ‘show me what you are saying’, sometimes that will jog my brain and I will get it.  This morning, when i asked her to show me, she pointed at my computer and said “tweet, tweet, tweet…sek ego!”  AH HA! Check on the eagles! If you are not familiar, there is an “eagle cam” focused on an eagle nest in Decorah, IA and together we check the baby eagles each day to see how they are growing up. Google it, if you like! 🙂

asking my creative voice to “show me what you are saying” can be a way to ‘hear’ that voice more clearly.  Give your creative voice a pencil and paper, a sketchbook, an instrument, a journal, a paintbrush…something to show you what they are saying!  And stick with it long enough to hear- don’t say, “what did you say??” and turn away…actually ask and then listen to the answer.

when you are on the edge of knowing…sometimes you have to wait a bit for the answer…

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