i feel…i believe…i know…i don’t know…

sometimes there are things that happen – out of our control – yet they happen.  And regardless of how miniscule the event looks to the outside world, something pivots in our personal universe, like tumblers sliding into place in a million dollar safe…you can almost feel the ground physically shift under your feet.

i had one of these yesterday…huge to me.

And today i find myself making a list of what i believe…sorting my spiritual beliefs into bushel baskets- this is in, that one is out…that one i am still unsure about.

What I believe.

  • I believe that there is a higher power, a spiritual force that is in charge of everything or at least conscious of everything on a spiritual level.
  • I believe that there is a life after death of some type- I believe this has to be for something, some purpose…
  • I believe that all humans and animals have souls- and that we recognize one another sometimes on a soul level, even if not on a conscious level.
  • I believe that souls can have multiple lives or body experiences- i don’t know that all do, but I feel that past lives, memories that don’t appear to be mine, and soul recognition are real things and the the life force that makes me alive stores information from other experiences before it came to reside in my body.
  • I believe that what you do can benefit you or harm you, directly but also in terms of what comes back to you.  Call it karma, but if you do good, I believe good will come to you.  What goes around comes around.
  • I believe if you look for the deeper meaning in things, in life, you will find it- and if you are shallow and look only for monetary gain and pleasure, you are missing out and will be disappointed in your life.
  • I believe in ‘positive energy’ and ‘negative energy’… i think that people share their energy with people and objects around them and that energy can negatively or positively affect circumstances.
  • I believe that if one looks, you can see this energy around someone- some call this an aura.  I just know that when someone is hiding something, is shifty and bad, I can feel it, or even see it in the space around that person- their space looks dirty, and it isn’t a physical hygiene thing, it has to do with their energy, I believe.
  • I believe that stress and worry can affect your physical health…that everything is connected, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

I know there is more, and as I continue to sort this all out, i will add to this list…

and i know what i have is not much…

i know that some people have elaborate spiritual belief systems…i am not there.

I feel like I am in my ‘decluttering’ phase of my spiritual life…weird, huh?

 

 

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do you believe in wings?

Today Dean and Journi were in the store room, looking at the new kittens we have.  I could hear them in there, visiting about the kitties and how big they were getting.  Made me smile.  And as Journi came bouncing back into the living room, she was carrying a pair of wings.  Nymph wings from a Halloween years ago, wire framed with green panty hose material stretched over them, glittery and wispy.  Obviously she had found them in the storeroom closet.  Journi was quite excited about them- shouting “Weeengs, weeengs!”  When she brought them to me, I helped her put them on, stretching the elastic over her shoulders so the wings flopped on her back.

And then she grabbed my heart… “fly?”

She asked it with such belief and earnestness…it killed me to try to explain that these wings are just for pretty, not for real flying.

That’s the difference between children and adults, you know.

If I found a pair of wings, i would assume they were non functional until proven otherwise.  Yet a child assumes they are fully able to carry them to wherever they want to go.

makes me wonder what sorts of gifts i have, that I have set aside- assuming that they wouldn’t fly…

what about you?

 

taking time to play

I have been making pots, and picking wool and soooo enjoying the sunshine!  You know, when its so warm that when you lay back in the sun and close your eyes, you can see the brightness on the inside of your eyelids…ahhhh! been waiting for that!

Yesterday i was putting handles on mugs and pitchers in the studio- hands happily in clay.  Journi had come with me- she is loving the warm weather too.  She had walked out of the studio and i didn’t hear her, so i ventured outside to look for her.  She had found some pans that i use at the edge of the roof to catch rainwater and was pouring water from one to the other.  She was so intent on her task that she didn’t hear me.  Pouring the water from one pot to another would make her giggle, and then she would take a second and just swish her hand in the water…and giggle some more- mutter to herself and then pour water from that pan to another and swish again.  What a good time she was having! 🙂

I paused to watch her, marveling at how entertained she was- but also reflecting that this was one of the first times, at her age, that she had been able to explore her surroundings and make her own discoveries.  It has been winter until just recently, and snowy.  She has needed supervision and a hand to hold in the slippery conditions.  But on this day, she could walk around a bit on her own…that made all the difference.

what do you love about the medium you work in? is it a tactile thing? a visual thing? is it how the words sound? what makes you giggle with delight about creating?

take time to play today…walk around a bit…make some discoveries on your own…

keep on tryin…

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.  No apologies or excuses.  No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.  This is the day your life really begins.  ~Bob Moawad

We took Journi kite flying on Sunday.  It was a cloudy day, a bit cool and windy. The soccer field seemed like a good place, wide open, grassy and flat.  As we unwound the string and got ready for the first attempt, you could see Journi’s dismay at the usually stable predictable adults in her life.  “what in the world are they doing!?” 

She loved the kite, but couldn’t grasp why we wanted to run around a field with that pretty thing on the end of a string.  And run we did!  (well, not me…i took pictures)  Michaela ran up and down the field, tugging the kite behind her.  Even tho’ it was windy, the kite didn’t seem to be taking off…just hovered at about 6-8 feet.  The kite crew reconvened and checked the equipment once more… aaah… the tail…who knew that putting the tail onto a kite could make that much difference!?  (i know…those of you who are aeronautic masters are just shaking your heads at me)

Once the tail was in place, the kite soared, taking up all of the string and sailing high and to the south of the field, until it was just a speck in the sky.

What are you working on right now? What is your immediate goal?  If its not flying kites, what is it? Are you seeing something in your dreams that you are itching to paint, build, create? 

You have to keep trying…this is yours alone, if you don’t do it, no one will.

If things aren’t working out how you envisioned, can you change your vision? 

If not, are you missing some critical piece- equipment, knowledge, experience, education- ? 

What can you do to get by?

There may be  a few  (or many)  failed attempts on your way to making what you envision for yourself…but those are a necessary part of the process…they can only improve the vision…

and…sometimes you have to do what you can, you have to get by, until you can do what you want or what you envision…

but you have to keep on trying…

if I could not fail, i would…

it occurred to me, after i asked you all to bare your souls and tell me what you would attempt if you couldn’t fail, that I had not volunteered anything.  And then I thought, “well…should give them a chance to say their own thing…”

But i will tell you mine, if you tell me yours.

I would start some type of a … thing… where I would teach women how to be confident, creative and strong… i would teach how to listen to your heart, how to learn and accept your past mistakes, i would build up and encourage women to pass on their strength and wisdom to their children- both biological and spiritual…i would teach, write, have retreats, and make art…

but that’s just me.

what about you?

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