standing still

So grown up!

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.  No apologies or excuses.  No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.  This is the day your life really begins.  ~Bob Moawad

The weather was suitably windy yesterday, Journi and I were home by ourselves, and she asked if we could maybe go fly a kite.  At first, i was phrasing the suitable “no, Journi, not today” response in my head. It was in my mouth and almost out there, and I thought, “why not!? Its a gorgeous day for it and really why not?!” So we retrieved the kite, got in the car and voyaged to the soccer field.  I was a bit concerned about how it would go, because our last kite flying day was a group effort, with her mom and her grampa.  But you know, are you just going to wait for everyone else to make your day!? So we braved it alone.

Look at that perfect kite holding technique!! What a pro!

After getting the kite all unwound, and strung out, attaching the tail (key requirement we learned last year), Grama ran up and down the soccer field, with Journi running along side.  It probably looked a bit ridiculous…just couldn’t figure out how to get the wind to take off with the kite.  Finally i stopped running, took a breath, figured out which way the wind was blowing and stood still, with just a bit of string fed out for the kite. (Journi liked the running better.)  Sure enough, the wind blew up behind us in a gust and lifted the kite up a bit.  We fed string out bit by bit until it was high in the sky.

Journi was so tickled feeling the tug of the kite, as the wind played with it, swooping and diving.  I discovered that we needed to work on ‘holding technique’ after I raced across the field after the string spool a few times.  Holding both ends of the spool, with her thumbs touching her chest seemed to work best.

I felt a bit smug as cars drove by and stopped to watch us flying our kite.  “yes, look at us- outside enjoying the day, making a memory” 🙂

standing still

Almost exactly a year ago, i wrote a post (read it here) on the first time flying a kite with Journi, beginning with the same quote above.  It seemed only fitting that I start with that quote again.  I re-read that post this morning and I am stunned at how far we have come!  Journi is so much bigger, and more able in all that she does.  My own children were in different life places a year ago and have grown wiser.  And I too, took this past year to stand still, listen to the wind, to my own heart, and claim the best day of my life.

savoring time…

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures- Thornton Wilder

Ah, well, my coffee cup is empty, yet still warm…the woodstove is roaring and the house is quiet in this early morning. I have not written lately– too many things in the way.  Never a moment to sit down and collect my thoughts…and put them into some type of coherent order that is decipherable by another!

The thing that has captured me lately is the good times.  As you know, this ‘turning 50’ thing has really made me shift my thinking.  No longer do i see myself as immortal, or having unlimited time.  No longer do i use the phrase ‘someday’.  No longer do i put things off…well, some things i put off, but not important stuff :).  It may seem morbid, but it has made me live with much more intention.   i was looking back to earlier days in my life, when life seemed carefree …and somehow easier.  But at that moment in time, that carefree time, when my kids were small and i was juggling grad school plus a 2 hour commute each way and a full time job, i don’t remember thinking, “ah, these are the good times!”  The times were good, and i wonder if i realized that.  I think i was just trying to get thru the days, and counting credit hours until my masters was finished.

I want to recognize the best instants when they are happening.  I think some call this ‘living in the moment’.  I don’t want to mark time, or waste time, i want to savor it.  I want to breathe in each moment and recognize it for good, bad or ugly, but i don’t want to miss it in my preoccupation with tomorrow.

“i knew you would want this…”

I spun for 2 hours yesterday…no music on, no TV, no distraction…just the whirring of the wheel…it was a precious time- felt like it was one of those fluffy dandelions that is captured in the glass paperweight… safe, soundless and insulated.

last fall when i returned to school for the year, my dear friend Karen came to me with a garbage bag in her arms.  She presented it to me and said, “I knew you would want this.”  Turns out she had sheared her llama, Bella, and apparently at some point in time, I had told her that if she ever did clip Bella that I would love the fleece.  I had no recollection of this, but that’s not unusual…i say things like that.  So here i was… with several pounds of unwashed unpicked llama fleece.  I ventured a look in the bag when I got home.  Yep.  That’s what it was.  I stashed it in the waterheater room.  Every so often I would glance at that trash bag and wonder about what i was going to do with it…and then would be distracted by something more urgent.  I had absolutely no idea what i was going to do with this fleece- I didn’t spin, i didn’t knit, i didn’t crochet…in fact, i didn’t know really anything about fleece, except for one failed attempt to make a drop spindle from a Mother Earth News article years ago…and so it sat…and i ignored it.

…until someone mentioned a spinning class in Hot Springs in March…and the rest is history 🙂

life has changed in the past year…my empty nest is full for a time…

so thankful for this quiet tactile colorful art, that allows me to be creative during this time in my life…and so thankful for a friend who “knew you would want this”, even if i didn’t.

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