afraid of heights…

Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.  ~ John Lennona97765_g269_10-canyon

the new year is here…and finally for me, i can feel it.

As I have alluded to, i changed my life last spring.  I wish I could have written aloud to others during this past 8 months journey, but it was simply too personal.

But today, on this morning, i feel like I have poked my head out of the dark…that I have crossed a huge chasm- HUGE…and I am looking back at it with astonishment.  And all of the fear and apprehension of seeing it looming ahead for so many months is gone…and I am lighter because of it.

I have learned some things about myself:

  • I am capable of doing what I set my mind to
  • Being separate from people is more about emotional distance than physical distance
  • I don’t control everything, nor is everything my fault or responsibility
  • Having time and permission to create is essential to my mental health
  • I need very few ‘things’ to be happy
  • I can spend an obscene amount of money on groceries, if I don’t keep track!
  • Its OK to ask for what I need and its OK to say ‘no’ to what i don’t want.

I have also learned that before one of these epiphanies, I tend to get really emotional- like crying-in-the-produce-section-of-HyVee emotional…embarrassing, as I am counting my items, thru tears, to see if I can use the ‘express lane’.  But that is another thing I have learned…feel your feelings…nothing wrong with that.

One of my daughters has the quote above tattooed on her feet, and she has repeated it to me on and off thru the past 8 months.  Until recently, I am not sure I really understood this part of my life correctly.  And who knows? I may not have it figured out now either…but the first major chasm is behind me

Aside