standing still

So grown up!

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.  No apologies or excuses.  No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.  This is the day your life really begins.  ~Bob Moawad

The weather was suitably windy yesterday, Journi and I were home by ourselves, and she asked if we could maybe go fly a kite.  At first, i was phrasing the suitable “no, Journi, not today” response in my head. It was in my mouth and almost out there, and I thought, “why not!? Its a gorgeous day for it and really why not?!” So we retrieved the kite, got in the car and voyaged to the soccer field.  I was a bit concerned about how it would go, because our last kite flying day was a group effort, with her mom and her grampa.  But you know, are you just going to wait for everyone else to make your day!? So we braved it alone.

Look at that perfect kite holding technique!! What a pro!

After getting the kite all unwound, and strung out, attaching the tail (key requirement we learned last year), Grama ran up and down the soccer field, with Journi running along side.  It probably looked a bit ridiculous…just couldn’t figure out how to get the wind to take off with the kite.  Finally i stopped running, took a breath, figured out which way the wind was blowing and stood still, with just a bit of string fed out for the kite. (Journi liked the running better.)  Sure enough, the wind blew up behind us in a gust and lifted the kite up a bit.  We fed string out bit by bit until it was high in the sky.

Journi was so tickled feeling the tug of the kite, as the wind played with it, swooping and diving.  I discovered that we needed to work on ‘holding technique’ after I raced across the field after the string spool a few times.  Holding both ends of the spool, with her thumbs touching her chest seemed to work best.

I felt a bit smug as cars drove by and stopped to watch us flying our kite.  “yes, look at us- outside enjoying the day, making a memory” 🙂

standing still

Almost exactly a year ago, i wrote a post (read it here) on the first time flying a kite with Journi, beginning with the same quote above.  It seemed only fitting that I start with that quote again.  I re-read that post this morning and I am stunned at how far we have come!  Journi is so much bigger, and more able in all that she does.  My own children were in different life places a year ago and have grown wiser.  And I too, took this past year to stand still, listen to the wind, to my own heart, and claim the best day of my life.

Journaling magic

We are all used to operating in the conscious realm…even when we feel semi-conscious, like before that first cup of coffee, or when we are on overload because of a particularly difficult day, we still operate in the conscious realm…we ask and answer questions that are related to the world around us, we deal with issues that present themselves, we talk to the people in our path.  And as a general rule, most of us are fairly convinced that whatever answers we need to life’s changing situations will be found, if we just slow down and think it thru.

In the Artist’s Way, one of my all time favorite books, Julia Cameron requires that the artist/writer/reader do “morning pages”.  Each morning she asks that you write 3 pages.  Three pages of whatever you want to write. It can be the same word over and over (write, write, write, write, write…), it can be a string of unrelated thoughts (my cat doesn’t like her dry food, lots of TV channels have only music, hope it doesn’t snow, why is there dog hair in my cereal?…), it can be your grocery list, or your daily to-do list, it can be the next chapter of your upcoming novel.  She says the important thing is not content, but the act of writing. The writing unhinges something beneath your conscious thought that allows creativity to come to the surface.

Just the other morning,  I was wrestling with a difficult issue, had been wrestling with this issue…for months.  Could not seem to come up with the answer that filled the void in my soul, yet i knew that the status quo was not going to work.  I had been thinking it thru, making lists, doing all sorts of cognitive things seeking an answer. That morning I had woken up outrageously early, too early, and knowing i couldn’t go back to sleep – i’m like that, once i wake up in the night, no matter the time, i’m up- i decided to journal.

At first, the words were dull, and forced…and they had no connection to what was realistic, only what seemed important at 3am…whether cornflakes were a good option for breakfast, if it would be warm out today, my t0-do list for work…Of course, it wasn’t long before my wrestling partner surfaced in my journal.  I ranted, and I raved…i cussed and I speculated…i bemoaned and I belittled…and about 3 pages in, like the gold of a sunrise that wasn’t there, and then it was…so glaringly obvious, i almost cried.

my answer had surfaced…

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