as i am.

Several years ago, while in a store helping one of the girls shop for a prom dress, i spied a woman with an armload of clothes.  She was about my size, tall and robust (that’s code for a fuller build).  Entering and exiting the dressing room several times, i watched her go from clothes rack to clothes rack, selecting this shirt and those pants.  Clearly she was having a wonderful time, and admiring her figure in the tri-fold mirror every so often.  She was trying on nice clothes, fun clothes in bright colors.  I have thought of her many times, and even now, she is so fresh in my memory.

Like many women, i have always felt ‘too big’.  There are various factors that enter into this feeling, but regardless, its been in me for so long, i considered it a truth.  Looking back at earlier pictures, I realize i have never really been too big…at times, i have been painfully thin.  Yet, if you asked me at that time, i would have told you that obesity was just around the corner.

If I consider reality, just for a moment…and accept myself as I am, I would have to admit that i have worn the some of the same clothes for over 10 years(because i don’t like buying clothes unless i feel ‘thin’)…that tho my weight has fluctuated ten pounds up or down…even 20 here and there, I am still the same.  That the dieting, the weird food combinations, the ‘eating what i want’, the junkfood, the fear of obesity…none of it has changed my weight much…and i have to wonder, if looking back at pictures from this time, will i regret all the time wasted on worrying about being “too big”?

This body, which houses me, my creative spirit, my humor, my energy, my ability to let others shed pain…this body is enough, and perfect for its purpose, which is to love.

And its time to accept, just as I am.

What about you…just as you are?

much love,

Pat

Advertisements

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Monica
    Dec 20, 2011 @ 20:32:51

    love this, no one is writing on your tomb stone, “Man, she was thin” and it won’t get you into heaven either.

    But your real meaning…. hey, this IS me. And I am ok. I love it

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: